Spiders and Fires
by wordslinger
Summary: Some situations call for drastic measures. Luckily for Erza and Jellal, Natsu is nothing but drastic measure. Jerza. Nalu if you squint. Complete.


**Author's Note: For Jelulz based on the following tumblr prompt -**

 **"Imagine person A of your OTP completely freaking out because the spider they just saw disappeared. Person B is laughing and rolling their eyes at A's panic but when the spider suddenly appears again, B starts freaking out as well.**

 **OT3 Bonus: Person C (neighbor / friend / roommate) has to save the two, rambling on about how spiders are useful animals and there's nothing to be scared about.**

 **Double Bonus: C is also afraid of spiders and all three end up screaming whenever the spider moves."**

* * *

Erza's fingers tightened on the hilt of her sword as she crept toward the spider. She could feel its rude stare even though its eyes weren't completely visible. The thing was huge and mostly black with legs that were far longer and much harrier than they had any right to be. It was an intruder and must be vanquished before she could even think about getting on with her evening. If this spider was allowed to infiltrate her home – _her inner sanctum_ – then what other atrocities would come waltzing in without a care? She wasn't willing to find out. The spider had to die… preferably without getting any closer to her than the length of her sword.

"Erza, I thought we agreed on no weapons wielding in the house… _Erza?_ " Jellal sighed and tossed his damp bath towel on the edge of the counter. He moved to brush past her when she lunged between him and the kitchen entrance.

"Don't!" she yelled and pushed him backward. "I'm about to –" Erza spun back around and gasped. _"Oh no…"_

"What's wrong?" He watched with growing amusement as she wildly glanced around the kitchen in a panic. Erza didn't respond and instead began to hesitantly shove appliances and dishrags aside with the tip of her blade. "Erza, what's gotten into you?"

"There was a spider." Her voice was low, and laced with fear. Erza was afraid and Jellal didn't know what to think. He'd seen many sides of Erza before: aggressive, overbearing, appallingly flamboyant, heedless… but quietly terrified wasn't typical of her.

"A spider? Like the poisonous, biting kind?"

"Do I look like an entomologist to you? All I know is that it was big and furry." She slowly backed out of the kitchen. "And now it's gone. We have to move."

"Move? Like out of the kitchen?"

"No, Jellal. Like out of this apartment. It's clearly been violated and ruined. They say if you see one, there's probably millions more in the walls." She cringed and her eyes swept accusingly over the expanses of textured drywall in the hallway.

He couldn't help himself and laughed. Her utter seriousness cracked the tension in his chest and he _laughed_. "Erza, I think you're overreacting, and I'm pretty sure that statement only applies to roaches and maybe ants."

"So you think it's okay for creatures to just roam freely about our home without any repercussions?" She gestured with the sword and Jellal quickly reached out to grasp her wrist and pry the blade from her hand.

"No, I don't think that but I don't see a spider in the kitchen or anywhere else." He set the sword aside and placed his hands on her shoulders and angled her view away from the kitchen. "Just take a deep breath and…" a movement on the wall behind Erza caught his eye. "And…" A string of muttered expletives fell from his mouth and he pulled Erza closer.

"What…" She turned back around and a high pitched noise that could only be described as a scream echoed in Jellal's ears. The spider had reappeared and was making itself comfortable on the still damp towel he'd tossed aside only a moment ago. Its dark body stood out against the white terrycloth making the thing look even more sinister. " _I told you!_ Jellal, hand me my sword… actually…"

Erza requipped her katana and prepared to obliterate the offending arachnid when, _completely without warning_ , the creature jumped and became invisible once again for a split second before landing on the wall opposite the counter. She stumbled backward into him and Jellal pulled her even further into the hallway toward the living room.

"We should just leave," she whispered. "I hate this apartment now."

"We _can't_ just _leave_ ; I don't think seeing a spider is grounds for breaking a lease." Though, the more he thought about it, simply vacating the apartment seemed more and more valid. It wasn't just any spider but a _jumping_ spider.

Both Erza and Jellal startled when there was a knocking at the front door.

"Do you think it's more spiders?" Erza asked quietly. In the face of all reason Jellal didn't know what to say. _Of course_ it wasn't more spiders but in light of recent horrors, he really couldn't be sure. With a frustrated sigh, Erza marched to the door and yanked it open, katana still in hand.

"Erza! You really could put the weapons away before greeting guests, you know! Mira sent some dinner over… should I go?" Lucy hugged the baking dish to her chest and scowled.

"Lucy, I'm so glad you're here." Erza dragged Lucy inside the apartment and shut the door behind her. She took the baking dish and set it aside.

"But what –"

"Lucy, we're under attack," Erza said with all seriousness. Lucy's eyes slid over to Jellal who was still glancing back and forth between the conversation in the living room and the kitchen.

"Attack?"

"Please use your keys and summon your strongest spirit. Neither Jellal or I can go back in the kitchen until the enemy has been defeated."

"I think I'm going to just go…" Lucy always had the feeling that Erza was a little batty but seeing both her and Jellal – in pajamas – terrified and _armed_ was just too much.

 _"But you can't!"_ Erza's voice was frantic and Jellal finally sighed.

"There's a spider," he said flatly. "It's big and furry and it jumps. Please kill it because I don't think I can handle both it and Erza at once."

"A… _spider?_ " Lucy burst into laughter.

"Lucy, this is not funny. We are in serious danger," Erza said scowling.

"Jellal, please tell me you're not afraid of the spider too!" Lucy's laughter slowed and she raised her eyebrows. "Jellal? Seriously?"

"He jumped Lucy." Jellal slid his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants and stared at his feet. "Can you help us? Otherwise I think Erza might hack the whole building to pieces."

"You do realize that spiders are actually very helpful creatures, right? They kill other, more pervasive insects." She shrugged. "It's really not a big deal."

"Our lives mean that little to you?" Erza shook her head. "Some Fairy Tail wizard you are."

"Hey! I didn't say I wouldn't! I just think you're overreacting. And anyway, I don't have my keys on me."

 _"What?!"_ Erza's face was as horrified as Jellal's was disappointed.

"I didn't think I'd need them and I honestly thought I'd be home already! Give me a break!" Lucy reached down to remove her shoe and glanced over Jellal's shoulder toward the kitchen. Her scream startled Erza who whirled around with her katana raised. Lucy hopped up on the couch and Jellal just slowly backed away. "You didn't say it was a giant spider!"

"I most certainly did! And now we're all going to die because you forgot your keys! What kind of a wizard are you, Lucy?" Erza countered.

"Oh, so the great and powerful _Erza Titania_ is depending on me now? That's really rich, Erza!"

"You're both going to get us all killed," Jellal whispered. He couldn't quite bring himself to seek shelter on the furniture. He had to die with _some_ dignity.

"I have an idea," Lucy mumbled reaching into her pocket.

* * *

Jellal had never been more relieved to see anyone in his life than the moment Natsu barged into the apartment. He grinned wolfishly at the crowd of wizards who were gathered in the corner of the living room.

"So what is it?" Natsu demanded in typical Natsu fashion. He rubbed his hands together anxiously.

"It's there on the wall behind you." Lucy pointed but stayed half hidden behind Erza who still perched on the couch cushions.

Natsu turned and examined the enemy. "It's just a spider!" He glanced back over his shoulder incredulously. "Lucy I expect this kind of weirdness from _you_ but Erza? Jellal? You guys are disappointing."

Jellal hung his head and Erza said nothing.

"Just shut up and kill it, Natsu!" Lucy growled.

"Fine." Natsu sighed heavily and balled his fist. Orange flames circled his hand and – in his defense – he really tried to keep the fire in a controlled area around the spider. In an instant the wall was singed and the spider was gone. "Hey, where'd it go?"

"Yeah…" Jellal spoke up. "It's a jumper."

"It's back near the kitchen, Natsu!" Erza cried gesturing, once again, with her weapon.

Natsu stalked toward the kitchen and found the spider sitting atop a bath towel. They shared a moment of glares before the dragon slayer grinned once more. There was only one way to handle this.

 _"Dragon Fire Ro-"_

"Oh, no," Lucy groaned.

* * *

"I don't get it," Gray said.

"Juvia was happy to help!" Juvia exclaimed with a bright smile.

"I think Natsu acted appropriately," Erza proclaimed, nodding to herself.

"He burned your kitchen," Lucy muttered.

Jellal said nothing and stared up at what used to be the second floor apartment he shared with Erza. There was nothing to be done about it now, he supposed. This kind of thing was the price when one involved Fairy Tail in seemingly simple matters of pest control. He thought now he understood why Cana drank so much and wondered if it was truly tobacco that Makarov smoked in that pipe of his.


End file.
